The Need for Speed, Part 2 by Debbie Mascot
Alternately titled many things, most with words I don't like to use here.
I'm sure all of you remember my issues with AOL DSL. Because I'm sure you all race here nearly daily just to see if Debbie's written anything splendid for your perusing. Something about meat purchasing or how cold I am at work. Something whiney.
Not to worry, this one will be especially whiney, but make sure you've read the other whiney DSL story first. Find it here: The Need for Speed.
To continue with that story, I've had AOL for many, many years, but I only had DSL since July. Well, the process started in July. I was provisioned in July. Snicker. I really liked AOL because I always had it and never (until July and DSL) had any trouble with it. And I really liked the DSL once it was working. I liked seeing and getting stuff fast. But everyone said that with DSL you are "Always On". I was not "Always On." I still had to load AOL (takes forever) and then logon (didn't take so long, but still...). I couldn't just click the internet icon and see a page, like it is at work. I wanted it like that, but since it was done and fast I wasn't complaining. Much.
Until I was an idiot with no free time on my hands.
An idiot who didn't pay the phone bill (or the electricity or the doctor bill, etc. but those are different stories- I have 10 years to clean up bad credit, right?).
The phone company, Pacific Bell, turned off my phone. And when that happens, the DSL line goes down. And when that happens, AOL cancels your DSL service, but not all the way. (Remember that part; it gets important later). But I didn't know all this. I figured that once I got the phone paid and reinstalled (yes, I had to pay $120 to get the line hooked back up because I'm an idiot who had no time to remember that bills need to be paid) that the DSL line would just go back on.
It didn't.
Even after I pathetically went to an Authorized Payment Center and paid the last bill. Then turned around and used a phone on the wall (for all to see and hear) and told the lady that I MADE MY PAYMENT, PLEASE GIVE ME SERVICE AGAIN. I felt like I had a gigantic "L" on my shirt for "Loser."
Also for all to hear, I had to reset up my entire service while there at the Authorized Payment Center because I'd have to pay the new deposit right away. All on a phone on the wall at least two feet above my head with a six-inch cord. I was on my tippy-toes blocking the entire line, saying things like, "What?" because I couldn't hear her because my ear didn't reach the receiver. Finally, I called back on my cell phone from the car and had to go through the whole thing again. I ordered basic service since no calls were made on the phone. No long distance company. "No long distance, Ma'am? You'll need a long distance carrier." "No, I won't. I don't make long distance calls on that phone. Ever. I use my cell phone that has free long distance." (Remember that part; it gets important later). After going through it all, the lady said that Monday was the earliest a technician could come out to reconnect the line. Fine. Monday.
Marc was home when the technician got there. Mr. Crankhead opened the box thing and looked at it with shifty eyes and said, "I don't know why I'm here. It seems to be just fine. I'll have to call you back from The Yard when I get back. I've been out of work for eight months and just came back, so maybe I missed something or maybe they changed procedures or something." Yeah. Maybe.
He never called from The Yard. We don't know what The Yard is.
That was Monday night. We waited for his call until midnight, figuring that maybe The Yard was really, really far away.
Since this was the week before Christmas, I was exceptionally busy. My DSL line still didn't work, so I called AOL. I was on hold for 7 minutes and then transferred and disconnected. Then I was on hold for 6 minutes and then Randy told me that I needed to cancel my DSL service as it hadn't been properly cancelled (remember?) and then I'd have to place a new order. He transferred me to the Cancellation Department. Well, he tried to and I got disconnected. When I called back, I was on hold for 14 minutes and then got Daniel who had me check my winipcfg and give him an address so that the line could be tested because he didn't see why I had to cancel and reorder since the line was already provisioned. That made me laugh. You have to know the July story to know why the word "provisioned" makes me laugh. I was instructed to leave my computer on for 72 hours and call back on Monday, since it was likely no one would call me to let me know what the test results were (he said that- really). I was given a case number. (Remember that part; it gets important later) That made me laugh. You have to know the July story to know why case numbers make me laugh.
Back to the phone company. On Thursday, I realized that I never got a call back from The Yard. I unhooked the phone line from the non-working DSL modem and plugged it into an old phone. No dial tone. Hmmmmm. So Friday morning from work, I called the phone company and was on hold for nearly an hour. Then the lady said, "We show that you have a dial tone." "I'm glad you can SEE a dial tone, lady, but I can't HEAR one." I didn't say that. I'm nice and friendly and let people walk all over me. (Remember that part; it gets important later)
She then said that when I get home, I should take the phone out to the box thing and unplug the line and plug the phone in and see if there is a dial tone on the box. I left early on Friday and there was no dial tone on the box. I called back and they were sending a technician out on Monday. But only after they told me that Mr. Crankhead wrote in his notes that the box had a dial tone. He must have SEEN it, too, because there was no darned dial tone to be heard.
So Monday comes around. The Day before Christmas. I'm happy. In good spirits. The phone man was coming between 8am and noon. He came nearer the 8am hour than the noon hour and found no dial tone (surprise) and then found a problem in the wires up the street. Now I have dial tone, so you'd think that would be the end of the phone company troubles. It's not. There's more. We'll get to that in a bit; I'm trying to be chronological.
It's still Monday. December 24. The Day before Christmas. I'm wearing my cute Christmas dress and I'm cheerful and happy making fudge and smiling and being happy that I have dial tone. Then I call AOL.
I called to get the test results. After 6 minutes of holding, I gave Bill the case number and he said that Daniel hadn't put anything in the notes. "Did I have the correct case number?" Um, no. I'm pretty sure that I pulled the string of numbers out of my- I didn't say that. I'm nice and friendly and let people walk all over me. (Remember that part; it gets important later... or maybe it already is...). I had to tell Bill the whole story over again and then he said that my DSL was disconnected so I'd have to cancel and reorder it. He transferred me to the "Saves" department and Lillian told me I didn't need to cancel; I could just reorder. But she put me on hold to check with her supervisor and disconnected me.
I called back and talked to Chris who transferred me to the Saves Department and I spoke with Patty who said she has to check with her supervisor and that it will take 3 days to get an answer and in three days her supervisor can let me know how long a reorder will take after checking with my phone company.
My cute Christmas dress couldn't even make me cheerful after that. But then there was fudge and a trip to the bookstore on the way to spend Christmas Eve with my family. So I got giddy again and got over it.
Until I got home when I wrote a scathing letter to Steve Case, the CEO or something of AOL. I put in all the details and attached a copy of the webpage article of all the stuff that had happened in July.
I felt a lot better.
On Thursday, on the way to work I realized I hadn't yet set up my telephone's voicemail mailbox. Since I don't get many messages, and those that I do are telemarketers, I wasn't too concerned, but I called my phone number just to see how it sounded. Hmmmm... It just rang and rang with no promised generic message.
I called the phone company from my cell phone on the way to work. "Why isn't my voice mail hooked up yet?" That was my question. I would like you to imagine talking on a cell phone to a person who works for customer service at the TELEPHONE company who doesn't speak English well enough for me to understand without being able to see the body language. It was a long, hard call. Evidently, I don't want voice mail. That's what she told me (I think).
I called back at lunchtime and got it activated. When I said that I'd tried in the morning, but spoke to someone who spoke Spanish, she said that I likely hit the "Press 3" option for Spanish. I'm pretty sure I was careful about avoiding pressing buttons leading me to a language that I don't speak, but I didn't say that. I'm nice and friendly and let people walk all over me. You know the drill. On my phone, there is now a generic message. I just have to call from the home number after I get the brochure in the mail telling me how to set it up. You'd think that would be the end of the phone company troubles. It's not. There's more. Still not resolved. But first....
It's Friday and Patty who PROMISED to email me within 3 days, didn't contact me nor did her supervisor nor did anyone else. Oh. Except Steve Case's office. Here's what they had to say:
I am responding to your letter on behalf of Steve Case. Thank you for taking the time to write to us.
I apologize on behalf of America Online for the type of customer service you encountered. Thank you for making us aware of your experience.
Please be assured that America Online does not tolerate disrespectful behavior from any of our employees. We are striving to provide each AOL member with the best possible experience, when dealing with our Member Services department. We have many reliable, helpful, and talented employees who are ready and willing to assist a member in any manner possible. Unfortunately, it sounds as if you encountered an employee who did not perform to AOL's standard.
I have forwarded your email to the Vice President of Member Services for immediate attention.
Again, I apologize for the inconvenience.
Sincerely,
Crystal
Office of the Chairman
Entirely misunderstanding everything. So I wrote back telling them that, once again, my problem had been misunderstood. That no one was disrespectful, just incompetent. I wanted to make sure that the problem was understood. That the problem is that Rep#1 sounds competent, but the job doesn't get done and you have to go to Rep#2 who says Rep#1 was out of his head. Then eventually you get to Rep#596 who fixes it, but really it was maybe Rep#3 who was right, but you got disconnected before the job got done and skipped over to Rep#4.
Idiots.
But wait. It gets better. So, as promised, Crystal sent my email on to the VP of Member Services. They sent me this:
Unfortunately, this issue would be better addressed by our America Online DSL Department. Trial subscribers and members of DSL (Digital Subscriber Line) may call the following number for customer support:
1-888-849-3200 toll free, (8:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. ET, seven days a week).
The above number may be called for any questions you may have concerning pricing or requests for changes to DSL price plan.
You may send your inquiry by an e-mail at Keyword: Customer Service. Then click on "Contact Customer Service by E-mail" and on the opposite side click on "Broadband Help."
Robert,
Steve Case Support Group
America Online
I wasn't feeling myself (aka, nice) and wrote this back:
Thank you. My problem has, once again, been misunderstood, ignored and passed back to customer service who has yet to help me.
In my 34 years I have never experienced this low level of customer support from a company. I realize that times are tough, but that should not be shown to the customers. I usually have many words for situations, but this last message has left me speechless.
I will call your Customer Service to cancel my request to add DSL service.
And I did. After about 15 minutes, I got to the DSL cancellation area and Jo (a lady so I assume it's spelled that way) asked me why I was canceling my request to add DSL. I told her that it was customer service issues. She said, "I show that Patty was who you spoke to on the 24th. I know her personally and she's been out sick." So? Why the heck do I care? She was supposed to talk to her supervisor and the supervisor was supposed to get back to me. Is EVERYONE out sick? Why is it that through my entire time with AOL not one single person has taken "ownership" of any of my issues, but suddenly this one person, Patty, being out sick has been the thing to cause them to not get back to me in a promised timely manner? I don't buy it. I didn't say that. I'm nice and friendly and let people walk all over me. You already know you're supposed to remember that. The reason why comes...
right...
about...
now.
Once Jo realized I was a lost cause, she got less friendly and told me that I should just stay with them because I could get connection within 2-3 weeks. But that I couldn't even place an order for any DSL service with any new provider for 30 days because AOL places a hold on my phone number. Here's where the being nice and taken advantage of part comes into play. I just wanted off the phone and off AOL. I was friendly and insisted that I didn't care how long it took for me to get service elsewhere. I'm a loser. I should have fought the slimy bastards, but they'd already taken the fight out of me.
Then I hung up and called to cancel my regular AOL service. But only after I downloaded a free ISP (Juno) to use until I found something else. I was on hold for 14 minutes and then told the lady (I can't remember her name- I didn't care about documentation anymore) that I wanted to cancel and she asked why. I said, "Customer service issues." She said, "That's not good." "Nope," I agreed. She said, "Give me a moment here so that I can make sense of this." I was rude, "I don't actually need a moment to make sense of it. I've been trying to make sense of it since July and I have it all worked out now in my head. I require better customer service than your company is able to provide."
She said that I already had 2 free months of service (Lillian gave me that before she hung up on me) and that as long as I cancel by March 18 that I won't ever get another AOL bill. (You have to, in your head, do the Forrest Gump voice where he talks about, "Now, because I was thirsty and because they was free, I must've had me about 15 Dr. Peppers." If you do that, this next sentence will be funny. Otherwise, it's really actually not.) Now, because I was rude and felt bad and because it was free, I'll be using AOL access for another month or so. But only access. No more mail there, because I will be switching soon.
Don't worry. The story's almost done. I think. Well, at least up to current.
Let's revisit the phone company issue again. I have a phone. I have voice mail; I only need to set up the voice mail by using the brochure they were sending in the mail. It arrived and so I went to set it up. Step 2 says, "Then, from your home phone, call The Message Center's special call-in number you were given when you ordered The Message Center."
I wasn't given a number.
I called the listed number on the brochure for assistance and, although they are closed for the weekend, they have a "Press 2" option to obtain your call-in number. I pressed 2 and obtained my call-in number. It's a long distance number to some funky 909 area code leading to Podunk, California. Why in the name of Frank would they give me a long distance call in number? Why? Why?
Well, I said, "Whatever" and decided I could at least set up my mailbox and then call in from my cell phone from now on where long distance is free. But... remember?
I didn't choose a long distance carrier. So I can't make long distance calls from my home number.
I hate them all.
So I went online to read some jokes to cheer me up and I got this in response to my last note to AOL (the one that said I was speechless):
Good day and Welcome to America Online! We would like to thank you for spending the time to write to us regarding this AOL related issue. It is our privilege to be of assistance to you and all our members.
Thank you for your recent email. America Online would like to take this opportunity to apologize for any inconvenience that this issue may have caused you. We strive to be self-critical and are highly dedicated to meeting member needs. We continuously work toward making the America Online service the best that it can be. Your recent email helps us to know where our members see a need for improvement. It is important to us that each member takes pride in being part of America Online. The issue that you addressed in your mail will be noted. Thank you for your understanding and patience in this matter.
I am glad that I have this opportunity to reply to your email today. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to write us again.
Have an Excellent Day!
Mary Ann Joy T.
The Billing Department
America Online, Inc.P.S. Sign on a Friend to AOL and you can get cash for every friend who registers! That's right! It really does pay to be an AOL member. Simply go to Keyword: Friend for all the details. Thank you :)
The P.S. with the smiley face at the end killed me. I'm going to go to Keyword: (Sounds-Like-Duck) AOL and see what happens. Better still, I'm responding to this with several emails to see what kind of form letters they provoke. Like, "I am on fire." And, "I have yet to receive my pants via email."
Sign on a friend... right. Not even my worst enemy.
Well, maybe...