Lost by Debbie Mascot
I got lost this morning.
On a 12-mile trip to work, I got lost. I've worked at the same place since October. I've lived in the same house for three years. But I still got lost this morning.
I don't believe I've mentioned before how horrible I am with directions. Like a man, I won't stop for directions. However, unlike a man, it's not because I'm sure that I'll be able to find my own way there. It's because I know for a fact that I can't find my own way there. Because I can't follow directions unless they are written down. Audio directions that clearly chant: "Go down to the next street and take a left. Make your first right and there you are."
Sound like this to me:
"Go down…" down? 'Down'!?! Which way is down? Does he mean to
the left or the right? Or is he trying to say that I go back where I came from
and then make a left? Or was it right? What did he say?
By this time, he's done talking and is staring at me staring at him. It's all over. I say, "Thanks!" gleefully as if he's rescued me and then continue on my way getting lost. Sometimes I'll look for clues on his face in my rearview mirror. If I start off left, and he looks frightened for me, I'll make a u-turn and see if that helps his expression get happier. If it doesn't, I go faster hoping to escape his wrath. Otherwise, I just hope against all hope that I don't manage to travel by that gas station again while finding "Down."
This morning I tried to shortcut. This is a big mistake in my world. Short cuts are not short. They are not long. They are actually mostly just wrong altogether.
I got off the freeway at the normal exit and then saw a street. Hey, said Debbie to herself, I recognize that street name. I bet if I take that, it's a more direct route to the other street I have to get on.
In all truthfulness, and in hindsight, it was. *IF* you turn the right way when you get there. I took it, but when I got to the street I was SUPPOSED to turn right on, I turned left, thinking it was the right way. It was not the right way. Right would have been the right way. Right would have been down.
So I drove the wrong way for quite awhile thinking that things were looking familiar. They weren't. I must have been hallucinating. So I'm going the direct opposite way from work. Happily and proud that I found a shortcut. But then the street ended. And I realized that something was wrong, because yesterday the street didn't end. At least not before I got to work. So I U-turned it and realized what I did.
And then shared it with a whole bunch of people.