Things About Me by Debbie Mascot

Things about me you may not have known:

• I love spiral notebooks and I spend extra time ripping those thingies from the binding that happen when you tear out sheets of paper.
• I realized the other day that growing up we had lime green toilet paper to match our bathroom and now toilet paper only comes in white.
• I don't answer the phone at home. Ever.
• I love Gel Metallics pens.
• My first best friend made me use only the ugly Crayolas. She said that the walls would get her at night if she let me use the green or magenta one. I knew she was either lying or insane, but it wasn't worth the fight so I just drew lots of Tawny trees. Then she decided Tawny was actually a pretty crayon afterall. I only got Apricot. I gave up.
• That same friend made me eat baked honey. And I went home crying with a blister on my finger.
• I can only eat apples if I cut them up.
• I adore cafeterias. With the trays and the stuff in the bins.
• For many years, I bought cute Christmas cards and then never got around to sending them out. Last year, I didn't buy any.
• I am an avid Simpsons fan.
• Knock knock jokes make me laugh. As do stupid puns.
• There are few things I dislike more than having to call customer service of any company for anything.
• I can't sleep with socks on no matter how cold it is and I can't sleep without a blanket no matter how hot it is.
• I wore white flowered bell-bottoms when I was seven and they were my favorite pants. I went into the woods and secretly cried when I got them stuck in the chain of my bicycle and Mom had to cut the legs off and make them into shorts.
• I was the only one who could get my brother to wash his face when he was little. I'd take him and a washcloth to a pot hole in the road and we'd hold hands and spin and sing something about all the way to China (I don't remember) and then he'd hold up his hands and I'd say something about a curtain (I don't remember) and he'd let me wash his face.
• I love fishing, but I HATE catching anything. Once, I went and threw all the fish that I caught back in the lake. Trailing behind the boat was a line of dead fish. I guess they die when you rip the hook out wrong.
• Cheese is my favorite food.
• Southpark makes me laugh even though it's stupid. So does Beavis and Butthead. I don't tell anyone this. Monty Python does not make me laugh. I don't get it. I tell everyone this.
• When I was in high school, I watched General Hospital. I don't watch soaps anymore. Except last Friday. Alan Quartermain is gigantic now and Luke and Laura are very old (and Laura seems to be approaching gigantic). What the heck happened?
• I never remember to water plants.
• Caramel is my favorite candy. I pronounce it "CAR-MEL."
• When I get mad, I cry instead of getting mad.
• I use the word "super" far too often.
• Once I hit a home run in baseball. I was in the sixth grade and the ball went into the tall grass by third base and I made it all the way around before they found it. I still always got chosen last in PE. See story titled, "Volleyball."
• I love history, but not names and dates.
• I am going to someday do the following: fly an airplane, go to Hawaii, stay in a haunted hotel, and learn how to fancily decorate a cake.
• I hope to someday wear a hideous old lady plaid polyester pantsuit and not care. I also hope that it has coffee stains on it. I hope while I wear that pantsuit, Marc is standing with me wearing gross old man shorts with the socks pulled all the way up. And I also hope that his shirt doesn't match. And that he doesn't care either.
  

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