Vitamins and Caffeine by Debbie Mascot
I started taking vitamins today. I think they slowly make you feel better as your body digests them. Not because of anything they do to you, but because at some point in time, they will no longer be in the process of dissolving and that hideous taste will be gone. THEN you feel better.
The absence of dissolving calcium flavor will do that to a person.
So now I feel pretty good. Of course, that could have something to do with the 16 cups of coffee that I've been gulping to aid the dissolving process.
Today I'll write about what our work topics of conversation were for the morning, ranging from seeing things you shouldn't ever have to see to breastfeeding.
Once, I saw something that no one should ever have to see in this lifetime. I was working in a health club (yes, me) and I was closing. I knocked on the men's locker room door (loudly) and then opened the door and screamed in there, "HELLO??? Is any one in there?" No one fessed up, so I bounded on in to shut off the steam room and saunas. And there he was.
He looked EXACTLY like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. Only wearing Speedos. Partially. He was 807 years old and in the middle of removing said Speedos. He didn't hear me yelling and knocking because... well, he COULDN'T; Mr. Burns always removed his hearing aids in the steam room. So he had his Speedos mid-thigh and then quickly hiked 'em when he saw me round the corner. Hiked 'em high. Real high. Too high. Things escaped from the bottom. Not sure what they were, but "things" does the trick.
Shiver.
Then my coworkers shared like stories. Amazing how Speedos alone can bring folks together. We rounded up the men in the office to make sure that they don't wear Speedos. And if they were lying and just SAID they didn't, after hearing us girls laugh at Speedos uproariously and tell unending stories about them, they will never wear them again.
Community service for the day.
Somehow we moved to breastfeeding. I don't know how, but we did. I've never breast-fed anything, so you are probably all surprised that I actually had a story to contribute. But I did. Only it didn't star me. It stared my little entrepreneur brother, Todd, who was 5 at the time.
He charged a dollar to all the boys in the neighborhood to watch my poor aunt breastfeed my cousin from the backyard window.
Wait.
She didn't breastfeed my cousin at a distance or anything. They WATCHED from the window. I could have fixed the sentence to read better, but it conjured up an image of that carnival game where you shoot water into the clown's mouth to blow up a balloon. Only instead of a gun it was my aunt's boobie and instead of a clown it was my little baby cousin. And I thought you'd all like that image, too, so I left my badly constructed sentence alone and went off on a carnival tangent.
16 cups of coffee and a bunch of vitamins will do that to a person.